Happiness Is A DIY Job

Posted by Allison Nazarian on Dec 25, 2009 in Allison Nazarian, Inspiration, The Life of Allison, Unsolicited Advice from Allison | View Comments

“Never depend on others to make you happy.
You can do it yourself.”

So today is Christmas. Wishing those of you who celebrate it (and actually all of you) a day of peace and joy. And hoping this peace and joy carry through every day of your life, Christmas or not. That goes for everyone.

People of my religion generally go to the movies and eat Chinese food on Christmas Day. Mostly because Chinese restaurants and movie theaters are open on this day when most other venues are closed. And we need some distraction from the fact that we don’t have a gorgeous tree with presents stuffed every-which-way underneath and waiting for us in the morning.

So…I have thus far spent the day in pajamas, and alone, and kind of to-do-list-less — have been blissfully happy since I woke up this morning.

I thought about writing a blog post with a great message for today or this upcoming new year, but I have vowed to never write on this blog just for writing’s sake (see how much I am looking out for you?!). And quite frankly, I have had some concern about what I could possibly write to top my last blog post.

So as I sat down to eat my Chinese take-out lunch, I started to think about where I’ve been and where I’m going. (I think a lot.) I was also on the phone with my friend Jeff at the time. Think and talk, that’s what I do.

I started to open my fortune cookie and remember saying the small silent prayer I always say when opening a fortune cookie, imploring the Universe: “Please give me a message in this cookie. Please say something to me. Please tell me what I need to know right now.” (Is that weird?)

And this time it must’ve worked. Because I got a kick-a** message I needed to hear right now:

“Never depend on others to make you happy.
You can do it yourself.”

Thank you Universe! That was exactly what I needed today.

So many of us look outward, to something else, or someone else, or another place, or different circumstances to make us happy.

Guess what? There are no answers outside of you. None.

Read that again, it’s actually kind of scary. (Friggin scary.) And profound too. Because accepting that statement means there can be no more excuses. No more stories. No more BS.

It means you can call off the big Search For Answers. The one that you have determined MUST come before you actually decide what to do. Before you actually take action.

The one that has you believe in some great person (or people) who tell you they have the answers you seek. That they “get” you far better than you get yourself.

Believing that statement means you need to stop believing that someone, somewhere, somehow will be the one to — finally!! — bring you the happiness you so deserve.

Expecting someone or something else to make us happy or be the source of our happiness is tiring. And utterly unproductive. Yet, we’ve all been “guilty” of it. (Some more than others.) Of wanting this time to be different. Of hoping to buck the system. The very system that always, always, always leads back to only one place…YOU.

So for this new year, and actually starting right now in this very moment, I am going to take a more active role in reminding myself who’s in charge here. Of reminding myself who wears the proverbial pants in this relationship and of who needs to run the show at all times.

Because that’s the person who is on call 24/7/365. So I’m putting that person — ME! — on notice. No more nonsense. No more B.S. No more excuses.

And for the love of all that is right in the world, no more waiting. My time is now. Oh….and so is yours.

© 2009, Allison Nazarian. © 2010 Allison Nazarian Feel free to quote or reprint this blog post on your blog/website or elsewhere with proper attribution to Allison Nazarian and http://AllisonNazarian.com.

  • roynakdimon
    I pondered this post for a while (as I usually do), and decided that there are two assumptions that you are making:

    1. That all people are capable of happiness
    2. That these that are capable of happiness, are all able to achieve same without external help.

    Let's start by addressing the first statement: from my (limited) experience, some people are perpetual martyrs. In other words, not only are they NOT happy, but they are perfectly comfortable in that natural habitat of theirs. Any attempt to find happiness is destined to failure, as it is neither sincere, nor possible. Amazingly, these are the ones who are most vocal in their (futile) search.

    An analogy for the second group can be found with that person who is drowning while fighting the waves. He or she needs a floating device for a start, and a helping hand to get back to shore. It is not so much a matter of either will or determination like it is a physical limitation at times, resulting from a traumatic enough event.

    Now, don’t get me wrong. Clichés (particularly the ones found in fortune cookies) are an effective spirit lifter (or is it the sugar?!), but in real life, sadly, sometimes the lottery numbers on the other side prove more useful :-)
  • Hi Roy,
    Awesome comment!
    You are right on Assumption 1 for sure. Yes ALL people are capable of happiness. Does this mean that all people are happy or even trying to be happy? Nope. Those people you refer to as "martyrs" and many others do gain from their martyrdom. And for a variety of reasons, martyrdom works for them. But that doesn't mean they aren't capable of what you and I might consider or call happiness.
    As for two, interesting. I think what you are saying is that of those actively trying to be or feel happy, there are some who simply mentally, physically or otherwise cannot. I'm not sure if I agree or not. I do know that it is all about the stories we tell ourselves and the emotions we build around those stories that make or break us. And of course, external help in the form of support and love can also make or break us. But ultimately, we have all we need to be happy (or freakin miserable) within ourselves.
    That's my story and I'm sticking to it! :)
    Alli
    P.S. Agreed on the fortune cookies :) but I take what I can get.
  • Great post, Allison. "No answers outside of you" < outside you, there are only more questions. The questions that need to be answered, though, are the ones from inside. The hard part about that is trying to recognize the questions in the 'noise' of our lives. Sounds like you got a great start on that! Keep it up!
    MrMomInVA
  • Hi Bob,
    You are SO right on about there being more questions outside. Just noise. Noise that we all-too-often use as en excuse or distraction -- to avoid the real stuff inside us. It is tiring though....
    Alli
    P.S. I had NO idea your name is Bob, Mr Mom :)
  • “Never depend on others to make you happy.
    You can do it yourself.”
    I've been thinking and talking much of today, as well - we are going for Chinese and a movie shortly. Thanks for the very thoughtful reminder that my time is NOW.
  • Hi Lynn,
    Thank you for your comment!
    Hope you enjoyed the day (and the food :))
    Alli
  • Tooo funny, I've been in my PJ's all day and by myself as well lol. (Minus the Chinese) and I've been happy as a lark :-)

    You're posts continue to be on point Alli. One of my friends on twitter said it best:

    "Perhaps the point has always been to perform our philosophy?"

    Only we can assure ourselves this will be done. Perform your philosophy with the best of your ability. Let's put on the damn best performance we can.

    Keep up the great work my friend and kick ass as usual ;-)

    Love & Light
  • Hi T!
    Yes -- happy as a lark!
    "Perform your philosophy" -- love it, thank you. In the past I may have not realized what this philosophy was at its core. But I know now.
    Have a GREAT day and weekend my friend.
    Alli
  • barryrubin
    Great Post, I celebrate the same way! I was thinking the same as I left the movie theatre last night after seeing Avatar 3D. (wow). My "Universe-Wise" Fortune cookie read: "Do Not Wait for Others to Openthe Right Door for You". So you see, you can get good Chinese food in Florida! - B
  • That's awesome Barry!
    As I just told a friend in a text message, "make sh*t happen" -- stop waiting. (I need to take that advice too.)
    Hope you enjoyed the day. I'm going for a walk now. I think it's still 80 degrees.
    Alli
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